Friday 25 May 2012

How does Collaborative Divorce focus on the future?

Collaborative Divorce is forward thinking in its solutions, particularly when there are minor children involved.  Parents will deal with each other regularly so long as there are minor children.  Even when minor children reach adulthood there are multiple occasions when the involvement of both parents in the child’s life is helpful.

In regard to minor children, parents need to cooperate in meeting their health care needs such as regular appointments with the pediatrician, regular dental visits, optical check-ups, orthodontia appointments, and possibly counseling.  At times there will be emergency or surgical needs for such things as tubes for the ears, tonsillectomies, appendicitis, broken bones or other types of sports related injuries, and a host of other possible health care needs.

The education of minor children is a top priority for parents, and each parent has a responsibility to assist in the education of their children.  Collaborative Divorce also permits parents to address the needs of their children regarding college education, and to reach agreements regarding each parent’s role in providing financial and other types of practical support to their children. 

The extra-curricular activities of minor children such as sports, music, theater, dance, art, gymnastics, swim team, and any other interest that a child may have can be addressed.  These activities often overlap both parents’ parenting time, and require cooperation and commitment of time and financial resources by both parents.  It is important for both parents to be able to participate in these decisions, and to both attend events that promote their individual relationship with each child.

When children have special needs such as learning disabilities, and mental or physical handicaps, the need for parental involvement and support may well go past the age of majority.  These children may require constant care and supervision, financial support, and a plan for their care beyond the death of their parents.

The Collaborative Divorce process recognizes that the parenting needs of children change as the children become older and more mature.  The collaborative process can address these needs for change in a way that continues to maintain a close relationship with both parents, while permitting more independence for the children.

Adult children of divorce can have a litany of bad experiences from dealing with their divorced parents.  Collaborative Divorce makes every effort to avoid those bad memories.  Parents in a Collaborative Divorce are reminded to think of their future with their adult children so that both parents can comfortably and peacefully attend their adult children’s weddings, showers, events with future grandchildren such as christenings, baptisms, bar mitzvahs, and a host of other events in their adult children’s lives.

Collaborative divorces in situations where couples have no children are also forward looking.  The goal is to avoid resentment, hardship, and bitterness, and to place the spouses each in a position where they can flourish emotionally and financially.  Each spouse should receive compassion and respect from the other, and be given the opportunity for a healthy future.

What are the contrasts between Collaborative Divorce and Conventional Divorce?

Collaborative Divorce is a process which must be completed without court intervention. The parties must pledge in advance that they will not go to court and litigate any issue.
Conventional Divorce is a process that permits and most often involves court intervention. There is no pledge which keeps the parties from seeking a court decision on any issue.

The spouses make all of the decisions together in a Collaborative Divorce, and no decisions are imposed by a Judge. A Conventional Divorce typically has one or more decision(s) made by a Judge, although it is possible for spouses to reach a settlement.  A settlement reached in a Conventional Divorce happens with the threat of possible litigation, and consequently spouses often “give in” on one or more issues simply to avoid the hassle and uncertainty of a trial.  Collaborative Divorce reaches decisions that are acceptable and affirmed by both spouses.  There are no winners/losers in a Collaborative Divorce.

A Collaborative Divorce process identifies the interests of each spouse and works diligently to meet those interests within the framework of the settlement agreement. These interests can include concerns that a trial court cannot consider under the statutes and rules such as the future psychological well-being of the spouses, the behavior of the spouses toward each other during the marriage, and the importance of relationships for minor children with persons other than the parents, to name just a few.

The spouses in a Collaborative Divorce agree to fully and freely disclose any and all information that is relevant to resolving financial matters and custody and parenting arrangements. In a Conventional Divorce the spouses often have to resort to Interrogatories, Requests for Production of Documents, Depositions and/or Requests for Admissions.

The best interests of minor children receive top priority in a Collaborative Divorce.There are no bruising battles over custody or parenting time. With the help of a Child Specialist the parents identify the needs of the minor children and craft an agreement that fosters healthy relationships between the children and both parents.

Collaborative Divorce emphasizes cooperation, while Conventional Divorce permits and often emphasizes confrontation.